but here you are, in front of me

[shootingshields]

Peggy got the news straight from Howard himself. She didn’t wait for Phillips’s approval, though he gave it anyway; within the hour, she was on a transatlantic flight to New York, having bullied and manipulated her way on board.

She hadn’t even changed, hadn’t packed before leaving, just rushed straight to the hospital upon landing, half in a daze and in disbelief. Howard was there already, but she barely stopped to say a word except get his room number, and then she was gone. Up elevators and stairs to the right floor, where she froze outside his room.

None of them would dare lie about something like this, but standing here now, it felt like all the air was getting sucked away. Count to three. Deep breath. Slowly, Peggy slips her hand around the knob, but it’s another few seconds before she can will herself to open it.

And when she does, when she steps inside, it’s all she can do but keep from crying, because there he is, sleeping. As if he were merely resting after a long day. His chest moves slowly up and down, but Steve Rogers is there. Alive.

Comments

[shootingshields]

Her hands move, to just touch him, one at his shoulder and the other sliding to the back of his neck. She kisses him back, just as soft, just as chaste, and a small part of her can't help but think it a dream.

Then he pulls away, speaks, and Peggy laughs. Happily, gently, and all her disbelief is gone. Steve. "Don't think less of me if I say I don't mind. It's easily fixed."

[usavatar]

He nestles his face against her shoulder, one arm around her waist. His fiancé. There's a thought. And suddenly he wants nothing more than to get her a ring, any kind of ring, even if she doesn't care about having one. It's Peggy Carter and he wants to do this right.

...Though rings should probably wait until after he's cleaned himself up.

"...Where are we, anyway?"

[shootingshields]

She heaves a tiny but content sigh, quietly appreciative of his closeness. Her thumb idly brushes over his skin at his neck, this man she just agreed to marry, though she doesn't quite realize she's doing it.

"A hospital, in New York City."

[usavatar]

Exhale. New York City.

He hadn't realized until that moment just how much he missed it. Just how much knowing the place is intact means. Not being told, but knowing that he could walk outside and see a familiar skyline, whole and undamaged.

"Can we leave?"

[shootingshields]

"I... I'm not sure. The last I heard, you were confined to bed, but you were comatose at the time." She pauses.

"They might want to keep you for observation." But there's a definite hint to her tone that she disapproves, on some level. He's healthy enough -- that much she's found out from Howard. He was just... sleeping. Getting out would probably be better for him than sitting cooped up in a room all day.

"But I don't imagine they can quite force it."

[usavatar]

"I want to see it." He grits his teeth and stands, carefully, trying to keep himself balanced and mostly succeeding. "If they need to observe, they can send someone to keep an eye on me, but I'm not staying here."

[shootingshields]

Peggy climbs to her feet, taking careful but gentle hold of his arm -- steadying him without babying him. She knows he can; it doesn't mean she's not there.

"Then we'll go see it." And if she has to take out guards or persuade nurses for it to happen, so be it. But she doesn't really think it'll come to that.

[usavatar]

Walking isn't as difficult as he expects it to be. Sure, it hurts, but he had half his childhood - okay, most of his childhood and adult life - to learn to deal with pain.

The nurse from earlier spots them and vanishes down the end of the corridor, which Steve can only imagine means there's going to be some well-meaning doctor coming to insist he go back to bed.

He doesn't let himself relax until the elevator doors slide shut on the view of the floor.

[shootingshields]

Once he relaxes, seems to get a better hold of himself, Peggy lets go of his arm and her hand slides into his, simply holding it, as they stand in the elevator. But she's prepared to be any kind of support, physical or otherwise. She punches the buttons, and it begins its descent.

She shifts a little closer, unconsciously at first. "It's warm out," she says idly. Commenting on the weather seems almost trite, but for once in her life, she's not quite sure what else she wants to say at the moment. "For autumn."

[usavatar]

There's something about her mentioning the weather that almost undoes him. It's so simple. So un-loaded, so without urgency.

He lifts her hand to his lips and holds it there, not kissing her, just resting his face against her skin. "One of my favorite times of year."

[shootingshields]

She looks up at him, giving his hand a brief squeeze even as hers rests at his lips. There's a warmth there, more than anything that's come with the tiniest of their touches before.

"Mine, too. Especially in New York."

The elevator reaches the ground floor and the door finally pings open. A nurse pauses to look at them, then does a double take as if familiar with appearances, but says nothing, continues on her way.

Peggy brings their hands down. "Shall we?"

[usavatar]

The walk to the doors seems interminably long. He can see trees out the front, which is briefly confusing until he spots the sign - Rockefeller University Hospital. Campus. They're on the campus. The undecimated, autumn-bright campus.

He puts his free hand on Peggy's arm to steady himself as they walk out into the sun. Students, meandering back and forth, some with their faces in their books and others sharing gossip - many of them women, a handful of boys who would have been too young to serve during the heaviest periods of recruitment. Someone laughs, loudly, and a teacher looks up to give Steve and Peggy a sympathetic glance before she keeps walking.

It smells like the city. Dirt, exhaust, garbage, oil, rumbling under the scent of plants that take the edge of grime away. He closes his eyes and inhales, the shock of home hitting him in a fresh wave.

That, more than anything, drives home the fact that they did it.

"It's over," he says.

[shootingshields]

She keeps him steady as they walk, observing as they stroll both the environment and him, her hand still in his with no plans to remove it.

The fighting's over all right, but Peggy's not stupid, and she's more aware than most of certain goings-on behind the scenes. Occupation shows no sign of ending, both in Europe and Asia. There's a reason she started learning Russian before the war even finished.

But that's to be shared later, and there's no sign on her face that she's thinking about any of it, about anything beyond the moment in a world where the war has ended and Steve survived. She gives his hand a squeeze.

"It's over," she repeats, echoing his relief. "People are celebrating everywhere."

And she can only imagine what kind of party the Commandos and Howard will plan now. An end to the war with a happier note.

[usavatar]

The War to end all Wars. Steve shakes his head. He didn't believe it because his mother hadn't believed it, but now he doesn't believe it because he knows that's not the way people live.

"Good. That's good." He kisses her temple and rests his face against her hair, more than willing to stop if she wants him to, but not caring just now what anyone walking by might think. "I imagine we'll find plenty to keep us busy, just the same."

[shootingshields]

She thinks about leaning herself against him, but she holds back. Instead she squeezes his hand, a sign his actions are not unwelcome.

"I already have," Peggy admits. She pauses. "But that's for later. When they find out you've left and haul you back." There's a lightness in her tone of slight exaggeration, even if they both know the SSR will be all over him soon enough.

Work. She doesn't really want to talk about that right now. But she doesn't quite know what to bring up instead, either.

[usavatar]

He isn't sure either, at first. Certainly they've talked about other things, but not in this context. Never even with the expectation of this context. There was a war on. There were more important things to do.

"I'd like to show you Brooklyn. My Brooklyn, I mean. Where Bucky and I grew up - all those places with the fights we used to get into."

Steve exhales slowly. It's going to hurt, going back there. No doubt about it. But he needs it, and he wants it, and he wants to show Peggy all the parts of himself he can point out in other places.

[shootingshields]

Peggy looks up at his face at the offer, and her smile is quiet, reassuring, grateful. "I'd like that," she says softly. His Brooklyn. His life. "I've never seen much of Brooklyn beyond the secret facilities."

Then she takes a tiny breath, pauses for a moment. "The next time we're in London -- " She pauses again; has she ever really offered this to anyone before? "If you'd like to meet them, my family is there."

She knows he doesn't really have one of his own, save Bucky, save the Commandos, and she can't even remember if she's ever mentioned anything about hers in more than just passing. But her brothers are there, her parents. They're so distanced from her job, and she's barely seen them the last few years, but they're her family. And she wants Steve to know them.

[usavatar]

The smile that breaks over his face is as startled as it is genuine. "I would love to."

Though, gosh, what could Peggy's parents be like? That's an intimidating thought. And Phillips mentioned her having brothers, though he never said how many. Steve starts to grimace and catches himself. They can't be too bad - besides, Peggy will be there. He can't imagine anyone being unruly with her there to stare them down. Still - "How many brothers do you have?"

[shootingshields]

She beams, pleased by his reaction. "I think they'd like you."

But the slight grimace doesn't go unnoticed. It doesn't bother her -- if anything, she just grins at it, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Just two. They're both younger than I am."

[usavatar]

"Oh." Well. That's not so bad, then. "How old?"

Because Steve can deal with kids. Even if they probably aren't kids. It's just, you know, people his own age he seems to have trouble with.

[shootingshields]

"Twenty-five and twenty-two. But don't worry, they've learned to listen to me over the years."

Peggy started them young, what can she say? She's fully expecting them to try and make Steve squirm a little bit, especially once they realize what he's like. But she can't imagine them not liking him. She can't imagine anyone disliking this man. (Except maybe Red Skull, but that's another story.)

[usavatar]

"How could they not?" Peggy's brothers. Why hadn't he considered them before? Well, he had, but not in the context of a meeting.

He looks up at the trees overhead. "How's Howard? How is everyone? I'm.... sorry, for putting you through that."

That doesn't begin to cover it. He hardly knows what to think, what they must have thought - it makes his stomach twist.